Informal Poll

[jeffreyab]

How long does it take you to get over the end of a relationship?

Bonus: Suggest ways to expedite the process other than getting back on the relationship horse, since there aren't any horses in the paddock right now.

Burying myself in work is just stressing me out.

Comments

[kgkofmel.livejournal.com]

Depends on what you mean by "get over" and "relationshp". Also how long the relationship lasted and how it ended.

After my last major relationship (6.5 years, including some living together) I set myself a minimum one-year no-relationship zone. I think it actually took closer to 2.5 years to get totally sorted about.

I don't actually recommend just finding another horse. It works sometimes for some people, and just gets other folks into trouble.

I spent the year talking to friends about my relationship, their relationships, what was love, what was I looking for, what should I be looking for. I had an affair. I finally identified a major troublespot in my relationships and learned how to recognize the problem.

I spent time with and on myself. I focused on my projects, I spent time with friends, I got involved in some new activities, I tried to meet knew people. I read, I watched movies, I cooked. I tried to take chances.

[jeffreyab.livejournal.com]

It was actually a prerelationship but emotionally it was more than I have done a long while.

By get over I mean no more emotional punches in the stomach when I see the "never was" with someone else.

Most of my Sarnia friends are as emotionally bitter/jaded as I am and I do not see my out of town friends enough to compensate.
I am looking for a spiritual match not a physical one as my spirtual needs are much more important than my physical ones.
Although some physical affection is nice.

I am in grind mode at work and it is consuming me emotionally.

I am planning how to take some time off right now.

[pi3832.livejournal.com]

It was actually a prerelationship but emotionally it was more than I have done a long while.

BTDT. See:http://www.livejournal.com/users/pi3832/

By get over I mean no more emotional punches in the stomach when I see the "never was" with someone else.

I find it helps to focus on myself and not the other person. As soon as the other rejects you, s/he just don't really matter in your life anymore.

And remember that your feelings for her/him are really about you. I mean, they exist inside of you, they're a part of you. So enjoy them. I mean, an unrequited love is, in my opinion, better than emptiness. Think of it as a reminder that love isn't just a story that other people tell. You really can feel it, too.

I am looking for a spiritual match not a physical one as my spirtual needs are much more important than my physical ones.
Although some physical affection is nice.

Oh please: if you don't want to fuck him/her you'll never be a couple. Good friends maybe, but nothing more.

I am in grind mode at work and it is consuming me emotionally.
I am planning how to take some time off right now.

The sooner the better. It sounds like you've lost your life to your job. You thought this relationship would bring you your life back, but when that fell through, so did all your hope.

Okay, maybe I'm just projecting.

But, anyway, I've read that "Loneliness means your life has no purpose." I agree. You can be alone and not be lonely. You can be with someone and still feel alone.

My advice is to figure out some kind of long-term goal for yourself and do a little something to advance you toward that goal.

But what the hell do I know?

[jeffreyab.livejournal.com]

Just to clarify It wasn't that I didn't want to fuck them it was rather that the time we would be together not fucking that is more important to me given that that is the majority of the time in any relationship where one is over forty.

And no viagra is not an option.

I definitely have a job that soaks up alot of my time.

Two nights a week and every other weekend.

Why do you think the stereotypical librarian is a spinster?