Informal Poll on Love and Friendship

[jeffreyab]

Here are some questions I am looking for different answers to:


What is love to you?

What is true love? and does it matter?

For that matter what is friendship?

What is an affair?

How does one have "an affair?"

Should I have try to have for the experience it would give me?

Knowing what you do about me what should I be looking for in a partner?

What is a good way to find women if your are over forty and do not live in a big city or a college town?
(For example contra dancing is out so is moving for economic reasons.)

Comments

[marahsk.livejournal.com]

What is love to you?

I think it was Heinlein who said "love is when another person's happiness is vital to your own." I like that. Also, when just being with the person is as important as having sex with them.

What is true love? and does it matter?

I don't know that there is a difference between "love" and "true love." Does it matter? It does to me. Knowing that someone loves me and that I love him back makes everything sweeter and better. Sex with someone you love is more than just fucking, it's making love.

For that matter what is friendship?

People who you love, but who you aren't attracted to sexually. Other people might not agree with that definition.

What is an affair?

Sex with someone you don't love (or sex with someone you may or may not love, while you're married to someone else).

How does one have "an affair?"

It's not that different than trying to meet your life partner, except you just aren't as choosy. It's someone you're attracted to that probably won't work long term.

It works best if both parties are on the same page as to where the affair is going.

Should I have try to have for the experience it would give me?

That's not a question that I feel comfortable answering for someone else. The upside to an affair isn't so much the experience you get, but that knowing that someone likes you enough to have an affair with you can give you the confidence that other women will like you, too. When you approach women with that confidence, women pick up on it as a positive vibe and accept you as someone likeable.

Knowing what you do about me what should I be looking for in a partner?

Every single person has some annoying habits. The trick to a successful relationship is finding someone whose annoying habits you can live with, and vice versa.

Next, I'd say someone who you enjoy being with, and who you miss when she's not there. Love can grow from there.

What is a good way to find women if your are over forty and do not live in a big city or a college town?
(For example contra dancing is out so is moving for economic reasons.)

See if your friends know anyone they think would be a good match for you. Find things that you enjoy doing and that involve other people, and do them (in your case, SF cons are a good idea). Even if you don't find anyone there, going out and doing things makes you more interesting, so that when you do meet someone, you will have interests to talk about. It will also give you something positive to focus on.

Whatever you do, don't try too hard or dwell on it too much--if you give off "desperation" vibes, women will assume that if you're that desperate, there must be something wrong with you, and back off. Be interesting and fun to be with. Show interest in her, and listen to what she says (if her conversation is too boring to listen to, she's probably the wrong woman for you anyway).

[sleigh.livejournal.com]

Marah's advice on meeting people sounds as reasonable as anything I could say. Good advice.

I might quibble on "affair." To me, an affair is a ongoing relationship outside your primary relationship, the knowledge of which must be kept secret because it's a betrayal of your primary relationship. Affairs are definitely Not Good.

[marahsk.livejournal.com]

That's the most common definition, but I've also heard affair to mean just "love affair." I assumed that's what Jeff is referring to, since he's not married and it didn't sound like he meant should he try to date a married woman.

[jeffreyab.livejournal.com]

Yes there seems to be some conflict as to how to use this word.

Some use it for any sexual relationship outside of marriage and others use it for a secret sexual relationship when you are in a relationship.