Being male

[jeffreyab]

Sometimes when I learn about the behaviours of some of my fellow gender it gets me depressed.

Guilt by association makes me question every mistake I have ever made with a member of the opposite sex.

Comments

[crystal-diva.livejournal.com]

Pretty enigmatic of you....what brought this on? Or would you rather not talk about it?

[jeffreyab.livejournal.com]

Oh a post about a male putting the moves on a female without her permission and even though he was married.

The no means no but we do not really teach people to say it question.

Men are expected to know when they need to be assertive and women are taught not show that they enjoy it.

So mistakes are made sometimes intentionally unfortunately.

[crystal-diva.livejournal.com]

Boy - do I hear you on this!! (see previous posts on the guy who was harassing me)

Unfortunately, sometimes women don't assert themselves properly and let the man know that what he's doing is inappropriate. Then there's the converse....the woman who glares at the man who holds the mall door open for her. Some women are just brought up to take whatever is handed out and some of us are of the "no really does mean NO, you ass!" generation.

And some men don't really comprehend what's too far. Or they choose not to!

[pi3832.livejournal.com]

Sometimes when I learn about the behaviours of some of my fellow gender it gets me depressed.

Guilt by association makes me question every mistake I have ever made with a member of the opposite sex.

Ah, screw all that. Be honest, with yourself and others. Ask for what you want. If they say "No" when they means "Yes"--fuck it, you don't want to have to deal with that mentality on a regular basis, anyway.

You know, now that I think about it, the whole "No meaning yes" thing is guy's fault, too. If we all just would accept a "No" as "No" and move the hell on, women would stop doing things like that.

(Since I'll most likely be getting abuse anyway, I might as well go all the way: Yes, women say "No" but mean "Yes." Why? Oh, I've got reasonable guesses, but I prefer to think it's just a conspiracy to drive me insane.)

[crystal-diva.livejournal.com]

You know, now that I think about it, the whole "No meaning yes" thing is guy's fault, too. If we all just would accept a "No" as "No" and move the hell on, women would stop doing things like that.


AMEN!!!

Yes, women say "No" but mean "Yes." Why? Oh, I've got reasonable guesses, but I prefer to think it's just a conspiracy to drive me insane

SOME women do...sometimes it's coy, and sometimes it's a tease - "come chase me, big boy". But when it's "I am not interested in you and you need to leave me alone", please take the hint! *wink*

[jeffreyab.livejournal.com]

Asking for what you want means having enough selfconfidence to deal with a no.

This is not easily obtained.

I have also gotten maybe a few times and always obliquely rather than directly.

IE I am still a good girl if I don't give a direct answer.

[crystal-diva.livejournal.com]

Ah, yes...I am not really a slut if I quietly agree to have sex without saying "Come do me!!"

Self-confidence can be hard. Right now, mine is on a downswing cause of my breakup, but some of the guys at work are working on changing that. Still, most women I know aren't prepared to step up to the plate and say "This is what I want"; some of the men I know feel the same, but at least you aren't either wired to or brought up to feel that way.

[jeffreyab.livejournal.com]

Yes it takes a lot of self confidence and awareness of others feelings towards you to say:

"Come do me!!"

[pi3832.livejournal.com]

Asking for what you want means having enough selfconfidence to deal with a no.

It's a boot-strapping process. You'll find that being honest with yourself and others and asking for what you want actually builds your self-esteem/confidence.

Personally, I find a "No" to be a hell of a lot better than hints at maybe. With a good, solid "No" you can focus on moving on.

I have also gotten maybe a few times and always obliquely rather than directly. IE I am still a good girl if I don't give a direct answer.

Yeah, fuck that. I want a woman self-secure enough to be honest about her sexuality.

[pi3832.livejournal.com]

sometimes it's coy, and sometimes it's a tease - "come chase me, big boy". But when it's "I am not interested in you and you need to leave me alone", please take the hint! *wink*

And how are men supposed to tell the difference?

This is what I mean by gender communication issues. In other words--MEN DON'T TAKE HINTS. Why is this news to so many women? It's like they grew up in a world devoid of males.

[jeffreyab.livejournal.com]

Many of them do except for school.

[crystal-diva.livejournal.com]

And how are men supposed to tell the difference?

I had actually meant that I uttered those exact words to one man who continued to ask me out and harass me. I had not meant to indicate you were supposed to figure it out for yourself.

Thanks for the advice that "Men don't take hints". I assume, as a woman, that you do. Hell, women take hints that aren't even there!! For instance, I got stood up this weekend (sorta) and even though he appears to have had a perfectly valid reason, I am sure he just didn't want to be with me. With a lot of women, "it's all about me!".

[renniekins.livejournal.com]

To my knowledge, you haven't done anything to feel guilty about. I don't mean for you to be depressed.

Yes you should feel sad and ashamed that there are men out there who have taken advantage of women... but you certainly should not feel directly responsible.

I think you should just keep such things in mind, and always treat women with respect.

*hug*

[jeffreyab.livejournal.com]

I am Scottish feeling guilty comes with the territory.

I think I feel shocked more than anything.