Informal Poll on Love and Friendship

[jeffreyab]

Here are some questions I am looking for different answers to:


What is love to you?

What is true love? and does it matter?

For that matter what is friendship?

What is an affair?

How does one have "an affair?"

Should I have try to have for the experience it would give me?

Knowing what you do about me what should I be looking for in a partner?

What is a good way to find women if your are over forty and do not live in a big city or a college town?
(For example contra dancing is out so is moving for economic reasons.)

Comments

I might as well set a baseline answer.

[jeffreyab.livejournal.com]

What is love to you?

Love is having a communication connection, sexual attraction, a soul mate, someone who mostly understands you and whom you mostly understand in the long term. Someone who shares your worldview and way of living and your sense of humour.

What is true love? and does it matter?

See above and I am not sure.

For that matter what is friendship?

A friend is someone who calls you up without prompting just to see how you are, a friend helps you move, a friend is someone who mostly accepts you and enjoys your company.

What is an affair?

A sexual relationship without a longterm commitment or a booty call or a fuck buddy? I am not sure.

How does one have "an affair?"

If I knew I would not ask.

Should I have try to have for the experience it would give me?

Knowing what you do about me what should I be looking for in a partner?

Traits I will see based on past experience: she will be a victim of abuse, she will use too much alcohol, tobacco or food, she will be older and more sexually experienced than me and will be confused or intimidated by my lack of experience.

What is a good way to find women if your are over forty and do not live in a big city or a college town?
(For example contra dancing is out so is moving for economic reasons.)

So far I have tried joining a health club, hanging out at bars, starting a book club, using personal ads in the newspaper and online, taken courses in cooking, photography, sociology of women, bachelor auctions, and letting my sister fix me up.

Re: I might as well set a baseline answer.

[pi3832.livejournal.com]

What is love to you?

I seperate being "in love" from "loving" someone. Being "in love" is easy. It's chemical. It just happens.

"Loving" someone takes work. It's when the easy, being "in love" bit wears off. Then you have to decide if you're willing to put the effort into maintaining the relationship.

This happens with friends as well as lovers. At some point your relationship starts requiring effort to maintain it. If you're willing to put in that effort, that's love.

What is true love? and does it matter?

"True love" is device used by writers and other artist. It's hype. Love does not conquer all. You can love someone with all your heart, and things still may not work out.

For that matter what is friendship?

"A friend will help you move. A real friend will help you move a body."

That's a joke but it's kind of true. Think of your friends. Now, think of which ones you'd be willing to help do anything.

Me, I've got one. And thank God I've got him.

What is an affair?

Haven't a clue.

How does one have "an affair?"

If you find out, will you let me know?

Should I have try to have for the experience it would give me?

I'm there with you. I think about such things not so much in terms of "experience" but rather in terms of "it's better than watching TV."

Are you worried about your experience in having sex? Or perhaps a lack thereof? BTDT, found out it wasn't that big of a deal--in a real relationship. I guess it might be an issue in an affair.

Knowing what you do about me what should I be looking for in a partner?

Have we met?

What is a good way to find women if your are over forty and do not live in a big city or a college town?

If you find out the answer to this, let me know. (Well, change "over forty" to "over thirty," and Bob's your uncle.)

Re: I might as well set a baseline answer.

[jeffreyab.livejournal.com]

Lack of experience overall and especially with women my age.

I have been on the relationship beach since about 1999.

I have also tried amateur theatre.

Re: I might as well set a baseline answer.

[pi3832.livejournal.com]

Lack of experience overall and especially with women my age.

Fuggetaboudit. You can't change your past, and going through the motions merely for "the experience" is just going to highlight how unsatisfying empty relationships are. IMO.

I have been on the relationship beach since about 1999.

Five years? Get back to me in 2006, then you can top me for dry spells.

I have also tried amateur theatre.

Personally, I found that doing things in order to "meet someone" just never work out. I dunno why. Maybe I just give off some kind of creepy vibe in those situations, or maybe God just has a twisted sense of humor.

I've repeatedly considered using a dating service of some sort, but then I wonder if I wouldn't just be better off spending the money in a strip club. At least there's no confusion about anyone's motive there.


Ah, screw it. What do I know? Look, my major point here is: get over it. Women are baffling, frustrating, wonderful beings, and God only knows why they make the choices they do.

Live your life. Be happy. If an opportunity for a relationship presents itself, pursue it with sincerety and honesty. If it doesn't work out, get back to riding motorcycles or whatever it is you do that makes you feel alive and happy.


I recently said to a friend, "I've never really dated much," and he replied, casually, "Of course not, you're weird."

He tried to pile on hopeful statements after that, but there you are. I'm weird. I'm guessing you're weird. Not like icky, National Enquirier weird, just different from most guys. Some chicks dig that, but not many--face it, most people strive to be average. Cross your fingers and hope for the best, but don't waste your otherwise valuable time worrying about it.